so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Who died my cat blue again?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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