Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
