is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
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from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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