the day after is always just damage control
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
