Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
