I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
