i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We're too hungover to prance.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
