You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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