take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
