I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize