Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
