Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
