just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
