You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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