Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
