What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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