why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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