I got chris browned last night
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
