Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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