She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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