The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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