Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
