apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
