I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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