thus making me awesome and them whores
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
