Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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