No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
