There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
