Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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