If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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