you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
