She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
