I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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