Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize