Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
