so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
