Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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