its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
