i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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