I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
