I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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