I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
