So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
