saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
