I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
