Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
