My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The adults are the big ones right?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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