my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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