Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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