First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
