people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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