did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
