I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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