Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
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Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
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Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl