some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
