So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
whose parrot is this?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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