You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
