I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
