Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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