Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
