let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
