I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize