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• (941): View more from Florida

  Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.

  (1-941): View more from Florida

  That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.

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• (858): View more from California

  I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.

  (1-715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)

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• (850): View more from Florida

  For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.

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• (361): View more from Texas

  At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...

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