im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
