I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
