My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
