just come out here and I will go home with you...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
