the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
