I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
