he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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