Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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