Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
