i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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