Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
