i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
