He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
