You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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