420 ftw
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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