how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
