He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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